When it's over (McGrath, 199x).

 

thinking hard if i should keep my promise or just forget about it...

 

tangina kase si pat e, ayan tuloy nagiisip ako. tsk.

 

 

The hardest person to get over with is the one you never had but made you HAPPY

 

 

 

pakshet...

 

had fun last friday with my high school friends @ pier one moa! super bonding and tamang reminisce ng high schooldays.. sana once a month may ganito. haha!

 

cast from top (clockwise)

jay, randy, yours truly, bff jene, long lost friend renan.

 

 

 

the song has been on my head for i guess a week now. want know more my state of being as of the moment? well this song says it all.

one kickass song and a great band i must say. i'll grab their album "fragmented" probably this week, sana meron pa, hehe..

 

>~

Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako'y iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, 'di mapakinabangan
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang
Kung 'di mo lang alam
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang
Kung 'di mo lang alam

Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako'y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa'yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
'Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

'Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
'Di mo lang alam
Ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

'Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik ang lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako'y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka na lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

'Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
'Di mo lang alam
O, ika'y minamasdan
Sana iyo'y mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan

 

is this still part of the quarter life crisis or is it just me?

read and ponder:

>~

 

Have you experienced this?

You have not been in a relationship for so long that you have gotten so used to doing things on your own. Surfing the internet and blogging becomes your favorite activity because it's something you can do alone. You have lunch alone, you go to the movies alone, and you even go on out-of-town trips alone. Hell, if you could go out of the country alone, you'd probably do it too. You learn to block out images of couples you encounter everyday holding hands so that you won't dwell on why there's no one holding your own hand.

Whenever you feel lonely you play some love songs on the radio/mp3 player/iTunes because it introduces a romantic element that is sorely lacking in your life. Later on, you begin to avoid even listening to these love songs - especially the tragic ones - because you realize that it only reminds you of what you don't have. And not just love songs, you also avoid books, movies, and even just TV commercials with romantic content. You are not bitter, though. You just don't want to reach the point of admitting to yourself that you are miserable being alone.

You are aware that you are not bad looking, and in fact there were women who at one point found you attractive (after all, you have ex-girlfriends.) Yet you don't see the point in making an extra effort of shaving, losing weight, buying groovier clothes, or even just getting a better haircut when no girl seems to be interested in you. There's always a better looking, funnier, or more charming guy that gets their attention first, and you are left in the background of things.

You try to go out, and meet girls... and find out to your horror that your social skills have deteriorated. You have kept to yourself for so long that something as simple as small talk becomes so hard to initiate. You encounter a girl you fancy and your voice stutters. The old lines don't work anymore, or worse you can't tell at all whether the old lines are working. You don't know whether her smile means she thinks you are cool or whether she finds you ridiculous but is just too polite to hurt your feelings. You are reduced to looking at her when she's not looking at you, but can't stand looking at her whenever she does look your way for fear of further making a fool of yourself. Of course nothing ever comes out of it, and you meet another girl that you fancy...and the same thing happens all over again.

Sex never was the whole point in having a relationship, but now the abstinence is gnawing at you that you can't think of a single reason why you can't be entitled to an orgasm. Your sex life is therefore reduced to staring at the downloaded smut playing at the screen of your laptop, while your right hand is pleasuring yourself. You hate it, but you're too hormonally distrait to debate the morality of masturbation, pornography and other variations of violations of the 6th and 9th Commandments.

To make matters infinitely worse, many of your old college friends all chose the same month of the year to get married. All of your insides want to shout "<Expletive deleted!> It's a conspiracy!!!", but you are far too happy for your friends to even dignify that thought. But it's there.

Eventually, you do manage to date someone on a semi-regular basis. But despite your best efforts, she does not seem to take you seriously. Sometimes, she does not even accord you the courtesy of giving a reason why she does not want to go out with you on a particular day - and this scenario becomes more frequent as time goes by. You desperately want to fix the situation but you stop yourself because you don't want to be seen as too pushy, or worse, obsessed.

All these seeming disappointments and frustrations reach a tipping point until you cease all denials and ask yourself, "Why is this happening to me?! I'm a good guy, I'd never hurt a woman. I see total jerks get the best girls the whole friggin' time! Why can't I get it right?"

So do any of you experience this? It does not have to be exactly the same.

The reason I'm asking is because I'd go crazy if came to the conclusion that I'm the only one.

 

 

i guess im now on phase 2 of my plan. napasa ko na kahapon yung application for loan at sabi nung mama sa HR, 2-3 weeks daw bago maprocess, napaisip ako tuloy, mas mabilis kaya kung ako na lang ang magprocess nun sa may binondo branch ng sss?

i want to call this stage the waiting stage, kasi maghihintay lang ako, kapag nga pauwi ako tapos dumadaan sa may carriedo station natetempt akong bumaba at magpunta nang mang mayer, pero NO! NEVAH! matetempt lang ako lalo or maaatat, tapos baka sungitan nanaman ako ni mang ramon tanong ako ng tanong hindi naman ako bibile, sana meron paring free nikon bag.

>~

retreat ng kapatid ko today and uber excited ang panget hindi pa makatulog kanina tapos ang dami pang damit na dadalhin, sabi ko, parang dun ka na titira ah? eh overnight lang naman kayo dun!

oa talaga tapos ang dami pang dalang chucherya ayaw naman akong bigyan the fact na saken pa nanghingi yun pambili ng baon nya! TSK! mga kabataan nga naman!!!

naalala ko nung kabataan ko, retreat namin nung 4th year is 3 days 2 nights which i must say the highlight of my hayskul life, masaya talaga ang experience and memorable. and speaking of highschool, sana matuloy ang get together namin this friday sa moa, tineks ako ni jene last monday kung pwede daw ba akong sumama sa gimik kasi ayaw nyang ma-op, sabi ko MA-OP? bat naman eh halos kilala naman natin yung mga present sa gimik atsaka kaya daw magkaka gimik kasi hotseat sya kasi gusto nilang malaman yung nangyari talaga kay rheu, buti nga pinayagan yun nung bf nya, hehe..

so yun ang highlight of the week ko, ay, meron pa pala, payday, tapos ang 3 days off. tapos nadikit yung isang araw na leave so parang 4 na araw! simple joys, simple joys.. hooo-haaah!

 

 

 

is it too late? am i too old for it? never in my life i longed for this.. i havent tried it but i guess theres no harm in trying..

I WANT TO FLY A KITE!

kapag pauwi ako around 12:30 pm ang daming pusali kids ang nagpapalipad ng saranggola. oo, naiinggit ako. ewan ko kung bat hindi ko natry ang magpalipad ng saranggola, siguro kasi yung dati naming lugar walang open space. oo nga, baka ganun nga. hehe..

hindi bale, sa 4 days off ko try ko. haha!

>~

next step nako sa plano ko, ang ipasa ang loan application sa HR. tapos tamang hintay na lang kung kelan.

No choice but to stay in a dirt cheap lodging house a week ago. We arrived at Tabaco City port in an unholy hour.  At the departure lounge, typhoon-stranded passengers were filled to the brim. It would be five hours or so before the ferry boat undock from the pier.

I hailed a "sikad-sikad" (padyak) and asked the 'pedaller' to bring me to a lodge nearby to catch some sleep. I can't be choosy. Aint got money to burn for a three star hotel in the city. I opted, after roving around, to stay in a dirt cheap, literally and figuratively, lodge.

The bed seemed to have been used very, very recently. There were tell-tale signs of "beached sea creatures" that might have galloped over the bed -- strands of hair, a miniscule green glitter (perhaps from a dancer in a nearby dinghy beer house), and the smell...

I stayed in a prostrate position on that few hours. I want to stay immobile so that at least it would only be the back of my head and my torso that will be smeared with whatever remnants that have stuck on the worn-out bed.

Troubled by the unsightly surroundings and the itchy feel, I took shots of the room.  I thought, the flash from the camera might at least disinfect the dirt in every nook and cranny.

UPHOLSTERED EVIDENCE - Perhaps too weak to bear the constant weight of mundane desire, this bed eventually burst out on its edge.

 

HOSTESS HABONERA

THREESOME

SILVER TUMESCENCE AND A SHADOW

THEY WHO STOLE FLEETING HOURS

ENGLISH 101 TEST ITEM NO. I:  Identifying errors.

 

PERPETUAL WITNESSES.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON AND ON... AND ON.  EVERYDAY.

DISCOMFORT ROOM.

RUBBISH FOR RUBBISH

HANG ON....

LOADING.  UNLOADING.  ALWAYS OPEN.

CIRCUITOUS

 

TOKADOR - repeating every scene in the four-walled chamber.

 

PINDOT. PIHIT.  PRESS.  TWIST.